Target Practice Is Training Cops to Kill Black Men

This weekend I had the opportunity to go to a gun shooting range with some members of the military and the local police. This was an opportunity I did not want to pass up because I knew for a fact it would show me why these horrible racists wanted nothing more in lif than to execute unarmed innocent black men.

I knew things were going to be awful from right when I arrived. The sounds were so loud! Those AK-14s and AR-47s were blasting away! Fortunately, I’m white so these racists didn’t feel the need to shoot me as I pulled up. They were actually pretty nice considering they are psychopathic killing machines with no souls.

They showed me how they shot at the range with both their terrible fully automatic assault rifles, which you can buy legally over the internet with no background check then fire thousands of rounds per second to kill like, all the people, and with their horrible pistols that I am sure they actually prefer to turn sideways to “cap” the innocent black men they are mowing down.

One thing struck me as odd when I was watching this. The targets they were firing at were all targets of BLACK men! I mean, there were no features, no faces, clothes, ect, just outlines, but ALL of the outlines were black!

Here is an example of one:

black man target

This is just so offensive and triggering and awful! All along, every single time our police and military fire their horrible death rifles they are shooting at unarmed black men! We are actually training this response into them!

These murdering psychoscum offered to let me shoot, but I already had PTSD just from hearing gun fire and I knew it would probably destroy my shoulder socket forever to fire one of these awful fully automatic weapons which you can buy at any gun show with no background check easily any time.

Well, I was just beside myself, I had to get to my computer and bring this despicable story to you as soon as possible!

I can’t even begin to unpack how many thing are wrong with this! We need to change how we train our police immediately! Obviously the best way to do this is to #BlackLiveMatter and #BLM on twitter and facebook and to never link to any possible policy positions or suggestions, and to scream about killing police but when police are killed then and only then say we are non-violent for a week or two.

Well, I have a solution, we need to replace these horrible, racist black man targets with this newly designed target:

white man target

This is super important. Because we all know that it’s not enough to kill fewer black men, we have to make sure that we are killing MORE white men! With this new and improved target, we can train our officers to kill cis, white, heteronormative males like they should be!

I’d love to hear what you think in the comments, fellow Leftists!  Until the next time, Comrades!

(This article was originally published on 8/1/2016 on

President Obama Muses on Supreme Court

On Tuesday President Obama tipped his hand on his newest plan to fill the Supreme Court vacancy. He said in a guest post on liberal hype site US Uncut that he planned to “Cut these class warring Republicans off at the knees”, and suggested that he would “Make sure all those one percenters got marched straight to the guillotine” after his nominee had successfully removed “that pesky Constitution”.

When pressed for some ideas of whom he might nominate, President Obama talked candidly about some of the candidates. On the potential of nominating Hillary Clinton he stated, “She already knows how to ignore the law, so putting her in a position to do just that with impunity would be a natural fit.” Besides, the President posited, “Then she couldn’t win the White House”.

On the possibility of nominating a so called RINO (Republican in Name Only) whom the Senate could not help but confirm Obama suggested that he thought a Senator like John McCain or Speaker of the House Paul Ryan who “have done so much for the cause of liberalism” could “make a lot of sense”.

President Obama mused briefly on squaring off with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell by simply nominating Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel to the High Court. “Let’s see him try to worm his way out of that one,” he added suggesting that the Republicans would have to consent to such a nomination. He went on to talk about legacy, about how such a move would prove his credentials to future generations as someone who was willing to work with the other side, “When I came into office I nominated a Republican Secretary of transportation (Ray LaHood); if when I leave I nominate a Republican Supreme Court Justice—man, no one could ever say I didn’t try to compromise!”

When members of his own party raised concerns about the disaster that such a cross aisle nomination would create, entreating President Obama to think about the country’s future over his own legacy concerns, Obama countered, “I didn’t spend one spare thought on what was good for the country for the first seven years, why should I start now?”

He also tossed around the idea of going off script and nominating someone with no credentials, “If the Republicans think they could guess what a Supreme Court Justice like Kanye West would do, they are straight out lying—I think Mr. West could lead our country forward in an exciting new way.” He also noted that, “Nowhere in the Constitution does it suggest sanity is a requirement for the office.”

A more controversial path, to which President Obama would not close the door involved nominating himself as Justice Scalia’s successor, then issuing an Executive Actions stripping the Senate the right to object, then following up by dissolving Congress and the office of the Presidency. “I was a Constitutional law scholar, so I know just how to destroy it best.” He went on speaking of similar ploys in other countries, “I think what Putin has done in Russia is particularly prescient—he’s been able to move from President to Prime Minister and back, always changing whatever seat he is in to be the most powerful in the country. Once I’m a Supreme Court Justice, since the posting is for life, we won’t need any other government officials—this is the kind of change and hope I promised when the American people elected me dictator, I mean President 8 years ago.”

Political Absurdism is a satirical and absurdest blog; the news presented even when loosely based on true events bears no resemblance to or grounding in reality  (we can only hope). The quotes and beliefs expressed and attributed are not held by any human being on the planet, certainly not those public figures to whom they are so attributed (we can only hope). This is a humor blog, not a news source (we can only hope.)

(This article was originally published on 2/25/2016 at