President Obama Muses on Supreme Court

On Tuesday President Obama tipped his hand on his newest plan to fill the Supreme Court vacancy. He said in a guest post on liberal hype site US Uncut that he planned to “Cut these class warring Republicans off at the knees”, and suggested that he would “Make sure all those one percenters got marched straight to the guillotine” after his nominee had successfully removed “that pesky Constitution”.

When pressed for some ideas of whom he might nominate, President Obama talked candidly about some of the candidates. On the potential of nominating Hillary Clinton he stated, “She already knows how to ignore the law, so putting her in a position to do just that with impunity would be a natural fit.” Besides, the President posited, “Then she couldn’t win the White House”.

On the possibility of nominating a so called RINO (Republican in Name Only) whom the Senate could not help but confirm Obama suggested that he thought a Senator like John McCain or Speaker of the House Paul Ryan who “have done so much for the cause of liberalism” could “make a lot of sense”.

President Obama mused briefly on squaring off with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell by simply nominating Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel to the High Court. “Let’s see him try to worm his way out of that one,” he added suggesting that the Republicans would have to consent to such a nomination. He went on to talk about legacy, about how such a move would prove his credentials to future generations as someone who was willing to work with the other side, “When I came into office I nominated a Republican Secretary of transportation (Ray LaHood); if when I leave I nominate a Republican Supreme Court Justice—man, no one could ever say I didn’t try to compromise!”

When members of his own party raised concerns about the disaster that such a cross aisle nomination would create, entreating President Obama to think about the country’s future over his own legacy concerns, Obama countered, “I didn’t spend one spare thought on what was good for the country for the first seven years, why should I start now?”

He also tossed around the idea of going off script and nominating someone with no credentials, “If the Republicans think they could guess what a Supreme Court Justice like Kanye West would do, they are straight out lying—I think Mr. West could lead our country forward in an exciting new way.” He also noted that, “Nowhere in the Constitution does it suggest sanity is a requirement for the office.”

A more controversial path, to which President Obama would not close the door involved nominating himself as Justice Scalia’s successor, then issuing an Executive Actions stripping the Senate the right to object, then following up by dissolving Congress and the office of the Presidency. “I was a Constitutional law scholar, so I know just how to destroy it best.” He went on speaking of similar ploys in other countries, “I think what Putin has done in Russia is particularly prescient—he’s been able to move from President to Prime Minister and back, always changing whatever seat he is in to be the most powerful in the country. Once I’m a Supreme Court Justice, since the posting is for life, we won’t need any other government officials—this is the kind of change and hope I promised when the American people elected me dictator, I mean President 8 years ago.”

Political Absurdism is a satirical and absurdest blog; the news presented even when loosely based on true events bears no resemblance to or grounding in reality  (we can only hope). The quotes and beliefs expressed and attributed are not held by any human being on the planet, certainly not those public figures to whom they are so attributed (we can only hope). This is a humor blog, not a news source (we can only hope.)

(This article was originally published on 2/25/2016 at